February 5, 2015

In Honor of TBT... Here's a REPOST...

When There's More in His Closet Than Suits and Ties... (A Little Thursday Humor...lol)

More and more we're finding that our men, our friends' men, or just men we happen to know as otherwise HETERO... are GAY!!! OMG!!! WTF!!!

Have you ever been in a situation that was a bit uncomfortable for you accept? Has your man ever done or said something that was an automatic RED FLAG... but either in denial, OR an effort to not humiliate him, OR in respect of his E.G.O... OR just total shock, you let it slide??

Have you ever wondered... even for a half-second... if your man was GAY? Worried that what your friends keep saying about him being too pretty to be STRAIGHT, may actually be TRUE!! Does it totally freak you out to think that his "Feminine Touch" may come from something other than growing up w/a house full of gals? ...Because after all, "Can't Nobody... Love You Better... Make You Happy... Make You Feel This WA-AYYY!!"

Well ladies, it's time to Open Up His Closet Doors... and really take a look inside! Here are a few things to look for... lol!! (Insert Wendy's sound effects for the ultimate hilarious experience!) FYI...While some of the signs seem obvious, many women are blinded by LOVE!

1) He listens to Wendy Williams everyday at work, and has officially begun to say "How U Doin'??" on a regular basis!! ("Aurriight!!")

2) His eyes are absolutely gorgeous... always have been, but you actually start to think that you see mascara on them tonight!!! (...GASP!!! ...now BREATHE!!!) No way!!! So you pretend to remove something from the corner of his eye, and almost faint when you see a trace of black on your finger tip!! ("I like boys")

3) His mani-pedi routine has become more regular than yours, and he even agrees to getting a WAX with you!! ("How U doin'??")

4) His fashion sense is better than yours! ...and I don't just mean that he has great taste!! ("Aurriight!")

5) The two of you are out to dinner, and after a few drinks you find his eyes wandering. You decide, after the second time, to turn around and see this sexy chick that's got your drunk man's attention... ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT IT"S ANOTHER MAN!!!!! ("I-I-I-I-I-I-I... I'm GAY!!!")

6) One or more of his closest male friends is GAY!! ("I like boys!")

7) He has EVER referred to you as, or started a sentence with, "Gurrll..." or "Chillle..."!! (Aurriight!")

8) You go out to a karaoke bar, and after you have just finished belting out your own rendition of I Am Telling You, your man comes behind you... kisses you on the neck and takes the mic away from you. You're so excited that he's actually agreed to sing this time, but when the music starts to play, you can't help but think that they've got the wrong song. UNTIL HE STARTS TO SING!!! Why is your man singing Aretha's version of I Will Survive!! "At first I was afraid, I was petrified..." is definitely what's going on in your head RIGHT NOW!!! ("How U Doin'?")

9) He's been spending more time with TYRONE!!! ...and unless, or shall I say even if Tyrone is really Tiffany, you've got yourself a bit of a situation here!! New sound effect required for this one... ("To the Left, To the Left!!")

10) You've agreed to bring some freak into the bedroom and to role-play his secret fantasy... only you don't know what it is yet. It can't be that bad though, because you told him that you were only down if it didn't involve a third party. SUPRIIISSE!!!!! He came home with a sexy fire girl costume, and (DRUMROLL!!!) ...a STRAP-ON!! ("I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm GAY!!!")

OK... now what do you do if you realize that the signs are CLEAR... the flags are IN YOUR FACE... and you're suddenly HEARTBROKEN??? Unfortunately, there's not much that you can do... there's no "Working this out!" ...You can't put it on him any better, and expect him to CHANGE!! You have to GET OUT! ...NOW! ...I SAID NOW!!!

This may be one of the ONLY situations where you two can truly benefit from 'just being friends'!

(shout-out to Wendy Williams... friend in my head!! ...even though I can totally see us having a love/hate relationship!! Gotta love her...lol!) 

**...BTW, This original post was written during her WBLS radio show days... you'd need to be familiar to fully understand the sound effects!**

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